Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
