Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
