Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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