there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
