I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
