I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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