no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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