i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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