when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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