I'm gonna have a badass scar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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