we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
