That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
