I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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