i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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