i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Boobs are out for the taking
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
