so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
