Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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