Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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