Yo dont text me then not text me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
