you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
