i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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