i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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