maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
