Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize
