It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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