it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize