I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
