508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
