perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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