man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize