ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
