I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
