I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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