I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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