5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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