Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
