It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
