the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize