I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
