Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
