Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
