Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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