hotel room ftw
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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