a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
