I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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