Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
