i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
