I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
