a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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