i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize