we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
