Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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