my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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