Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
