My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry about my life...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize