We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to fling myself into the sun
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
