I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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