based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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