I think i peed on brittanys purse
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
