He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
