I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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