Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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