The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
