glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this beer tastes like vomit already
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
