why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
