She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
