I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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