U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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