Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
