Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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