Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I understand Curling. That high.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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