Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
