This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
