Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
