my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
