You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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