oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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