i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
