I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
