I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
