im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
