I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
