Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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