he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
