started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
