did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
