Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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