im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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