meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
