im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
