Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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