I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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