I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
