Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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