Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
