I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
