He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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