Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
