Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
