dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So many bounce houses so little time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
