It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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