i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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