Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need a burrito and a hug.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
