p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just found a bag of teeth...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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