How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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