If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
