I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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