She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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