i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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