i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
