I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
